


Silly

by AXEe



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Crack, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, F/F, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-29 04:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13919187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AXEe/pseuds/AXEe
Summary: A bunch of silly GD one-shots





	1. Victory!...Oh, no wait

******

Lillian Luthor assessed the row of Cadmus’ best troops now standing shabbily before her; most of them were bandaged up and otherwise bruised and injured

“What happened?” she demanded

“The DEO repelled our assault,” one spoke up “but we did get a team inside”

“Excellent” Lillian praised

“Not really, ma’am,” the trooper gestured to the broken and bruised men and women standing with him, even as one finally passed out, hitting the floor with a dull thud “we’re the ones who got in,” the trooper continued “but it wasn’t too bad, actually. General Astra didn’t even hit us too hard before she let us go”

“Yeah,” another pitched in “and, and Supergirl even smiled at us” he added with a dreamy sigh

“Oh yeah”

“Yeah, that was nice”

“She’s got a real cute smile”

“I know, right?”

Lillian growled something very impolite, pausing as one trooper raised his hand

“Yes?” she asked

“Uh, I have a concussion,” he announced “can I go home now?”

Lillian smiled at him and gave him a gentle pat on the head

“You’re excused”

**END**


	2. Role playing

******

“You should know, brave one, that no harm will come to you” Astra declared as she circled the young human

“That supposed to make me feel better?” the human scoffed

“If you like,” Astra shrugged “as I said, you’re braver than most of your race”

“So are you,” Alex noted “capturing me again? Pretty gusty”

Astra chuckled as she approached the human, wondering what it would be like to kiss her. She leaned in…

“General!”

“I said I was not to be disturbed!!” Astra roared as she rounded on the unfortunate soldier who’d disturbed her…ahem…’interrogation’

“Apologies, ma’am, but Lt. Non wishes to see you!” the solider said in a rush

“All right!” Astra snapped “did you see anything?!” she demanded

“No, ma’am, I didn’t see you playing with a Barbie doll, ma’am!!”

“Good”

Astra turned to Alex

“Best two out of three?”

**END**


	3. Chapter 3

******

“All right, that looks like the last of them” J’onn declared as the last of Cadmus troops were lead out of the building by Kara

“I don’t know,” Alex sighed “I still think this was a bad idea”

“But she enjoys it” Astra insisted as Kara cheerfully lead each troop to a cell, giving them each a pat on the head, a hug, a kiss on the cheek, followed by a blanket and a pillow, a teddy bear for those who were scared of the dark, a mint on the pillow…

**END**


	4. Only One Solution

******

The battle had been long and hard, half the city had been razed to the ground and countless lay dead or dying in the streets

“It seems we are at an impasse” Astra noted

“Looks like” Alex panted

“Then there is only one solution” Astra proclaimed

“So it would seem” Alex agreed

They each held out their hands, weapons at the ready

“Rock, paper, scissors!”

“Yes! Paper beats rock!” Astra howled triumphantly

“Good to hear!” J’onn suddenly bellowed out “now if you two are done playing maybe we can get this mess cleaned up?”

**END**


	5. Quick! Change! For the love god! Change!

******

"Oh my god!" Alex gasped "Astra! Quick! Change!"

Astra paused, blinking

"Change?" she echoed "why? What for? And, most importantly...how?"

"Just...change," Alex urged "please! And for god's sake! Hurry!"

"Alex is right," J'onn insisted "that's an order, Agent In-ze"

"But..." Astra tried

" _CHANGE!!!!_ " J'onn and Alex bellowed. Scowling, Astra turned and left the room, pulling off her t-shirt as she did and tossing it away

"Oh thank god," Alex sighed "for a moment there, I thought..."

"I know," J'onn nodded "unfortunately, the Redshirt Laws applies to real-life too"

"There," Astra came back into the room and nodded to her shirt, which had the RAF roundel on it "is this better?"

"It...looks like a bull's eye" Alex groaned

**END**


	6. New Hire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back with more silliness! :=)

******

“You understand the natures of your duties with Cadmus?” Lillian asked

The new recruit nodded eagerly

“And you’re certain you can handle this assignment?” she pressed

Another eager nod

Lillian frowned

“You don’t…talk much, do you?” she wondered

A shake of the head this time

“Hmm,” Lillian sighed “well, if you think that you’re up to it, you’re welcome to try,” she declared as she turned to leave “oh, what was your name again?” she asked

The new recruit produced a slim white business card and held it out to her

Wile E. Coyote

“Ah,” Lillian nodded as she handed him the card back “well, best of luck to you,” she declared as he turned to leave “oh! Watch out for the men moving the piano!” she warned as a loud crash pierced the air…

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meep-meep! :=)


	7. This Can't Go On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update! :=)

******

“This can’t go on,” Lillian muttered as she approached the window “it can’t”

The clerk on the other side of the window looked up, popping her gum as she asked

“Occupation?”

“Anti-alien extremist” Lillian replied

“OK,” the clerk punched up the file number on her computer “did you kill any aliens in the last weel?”

“No”

“Did you _try_ to kill any aliens in the last week?”

“Yes” Lillian growled out

The clerk stamped the paperwork and then handed her an envelope

“Be advised that this is your last unemployment check for this month,” she explained “next!”

Grumbling, Lillian took the envelope and stalked out of the room…

**END**


	8. Misunderstanding

******

“Did you have any problems?” Lillian asked as she marched down the hallway

“None” Hank Henshaw replied

“Good,” Lillian nodded as they came to a door “now let’s see our latest acquisition” she proclaimed as she unlocked the door pushed it open. The lone figure inside looked up at her and Hank as they entered

“Cookie!!” it proclaimed before messily devouring the plate of cookies in front of it

“Henshaw! You idiot!” Lillian smacked Hank upside the head “I said ‘Bizzaro’, the one who ‘talks like Cookie Monster’ not…ohhh!” she groaned

“Oh,” Hank nodded somewhat stupidly “well, that explains why Big Bird was there”

“Take him back! Right now!” Lillian ordered

“Oh!” the blue furred monster looked up “Cadmus lady want cookie?”

“No! I do not want a cookie!” Lillian spat “well…not unless you have oatmeal?”

Cookie nodded

“Yes, me have oatmeal!” he nodded “me have lots of oatmeal! Powers that be say I bad influence on children, make me go healthy. Now cookies is sometimes food” he happily handed her a cookie just as the wall exploded, Supergirl marching inside followed by Alex and a DEO strike team

“Hold it right there!” Kara ordered “it’s over, Lillian! Oh, hey, cookies!”

“Cookies?” Alex leaned past Kara “oh, hey, yeah!”

Cookie ambled over

“Oh! Supergirl and DEO agents want cookies?”

“Sure, I’ll take some”

“Hey, don’t hog ‘em”

“I want some”

Soon the entirely of Cadmus and the DEO were happily munching away on cookies…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cookie!!! :=)


	9. The New Guys

******

“I don’t like this” Alex muttered

“Likewise,” Astra nodded “these new recruits don’t appear to be very…formidable” she noted

“Ugh,” Kara wrinkled her nose “you guys are such cynics” she muttered as J’onn turned to them

“Ah, Agent Danvers, Agent In-ze, Supergirl,” he nodded towards the five new recruits “I’d like you meet our five new recruits. Firstly we have Mr. Fred Jones”

“Hello” the tall blonde nodded politely

“…Ms. Daphne Blake”

“Hi!” the perky redhead waved energetically

“…Ms. Velma Dinkley”

“Agents” the glasses-wearing brunette nodded in acknowledgement

“…Mr. Norville “Shaggy’ Rodgers”

“Like, hey, ladies!” the rather unkempt-looking skinny fellow waved eagerly

“Oh,” J’onn nodded towards the five member of the group “I almost forgot. And, of course, their dog, Scooby-Doo”

The large Great Dane held out a paw

“Rleased to reet you!”

Kara looked back at Alex and Astra

“I take it back. We are _so_ screwed” she declared…

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants a Scooby snack? :=)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For polybi, who offered up this silly idea :=)

******

“Uh…sir?” Alex questioned “why…is Lillian Luthor here?”

“Director J’onzz and I have reached an agreement” Lillian replied as she idly filed her nails

“Agreement?” Kara echoed “with _her_?!”

“It wasn’t my choice” J’onn replied

“So…what’s going on?” Astra asked

J’onn sighed

“To put it bluntly,” he began “due to all the damage to public property over the years from our fights with Cadmus, the city government is finally taking a stand against both the DEO and Cadmus”

“They’re arresting us?” Alex asked

“Worse,” Lillian proclaimed “they’re _suing_ us”

Astra, Alex and Kara all reared back in shock

“I’m scared!” Astra clung tightly to Alex

“The city’s lost its insurance. So, until they can get new insurance, they’re suing us for damages,” J’onn explained. He held out his hand “empty out your pockets, all of you”

The three heroes groaned and reluctantly emptied out their pockets…

**END**


	11. Shovel Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back with more silliness. Enjoy :=)

******

“Hey, Alex,” Kara grabbed Alex as she passed “have you seen Mon-El?” she asked

Alex frowned

“Uh, let me think…”

******

**One hour earlier…**

_“Alex! Oh god! Don’t kill me!!” Mon-El pleaded as she tossed the shovel at his feet_

_“Dig!” she ordered…_

******

“Nope,” Alex shook her head “haven’t seen him”

“Oh,” Kara frowned “maybe Astra knows” she suggested as Astra herself silently passed by behind her. Glancing past Kara’s shoulder, Alex silently raised an eyebrow, Astra held up a bag of quick lime and frowned, Alex nodded quickly and waved her on

“Don’t worry, Kara,” Alex smiled at Kara “I’m sure he’ll turn up eventually” she assured her. Brightening, Kara nodded

“Yeah, you’re probably right” she agreed as she turned and went to talk to Winn. Now alone, Alex hurried over to Astra

“Any problems?” she asked

“None,” Astra replied “J’onn was…surprisingly agreeable to our request,” she explained “in a few days ‘Mon-El’ will tell Kara that he can’t keep hurting her and is leaving to help the Daxamites rebuild”

“Good” Alex sighed

“Is there anyone else you wanted to dispose of?” Astra wondered

“Hmm, I’ll let you know” Alex smirked...

**END**


	12. It's Your Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back with more silliness! Warning, in this one there's a tiny hint of Sanvers and Maggie's portrayed in a less than flattering light. You have been warned

******

Alex’s day had been going well, she’d gotten through a day on the job without injury or near-death (yay!) and now she was ready to spend a nice evening in with her girlfriend.

Or, at least, she had been planning on that anyway

“Astra! Put me down!!” she yelled as the Kryptonian easily slung her up over her shoulder like the proverbial sack of corn and proceeded to carry her towards the now demolished window “put me down!” Alex repeated

“As you wish” Astra shrugged, suddenly dropping Alex, letting her dangle in midair by one arm, leaving Alex with a dizzying view of the street

“Oh god! Pick me back up! Pick me back up!” she yelped, quickly scurrying up Astra’s midsection and clinging to her like a limpet “what the hell is going on?!” she demanded

“I thought that would have been obvious,” Astra deadpanned “I’m kidnapping you”

“I gathered that,” Alex spat as Astra continued floating just outside the window “second question, _why_ are you kidnapping me?”

“I think the term in English is…a ‘shotgun wedding’?”

“Uh…,” Alex blinked “not that I’m not flattered, but…I already have a girlfriend”

“Oh, you mean the woman who first rejected you then revealed that she cheated on her last girlfriend?” Astra asked

Alex blinked

“Well, when you put it like that…,” she began. She frowned, studying Astra “ah, what the hell, let’s do it”

“Great!” Astra grinned as she suddenly took off, shooting into the sky

“So, where’s the honeymoon?” Alex wondered

“Do you like Mexico?” Astra wondered

“Yeah”

“Then Mexico it is”

“Cool”

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad fact: people who cheat on their partners are more likely to do it again to their next partners then those who remain faithful :=(


	13. Meta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back with more silliness. Enjoy :=)

******

“She does not! You’re delusional!”

“I am not! She looks _just_ like you!”

“No! She doesn’t!”

“Guys?” Kara looked between Alex and Astra, stopping the argument “uh…what’s going on?” she asked

“Here,” Alex held out a photograph “look at this and tell me if this woman looks anything like Astra”

“Uh,” Kara took the photo and felt her jaw drop “wow! Yeah, she does! Aunt Astra she could be your twin!”

Astra scoffed and rolled her eyes

“Who is she anyway?” Kara asked, handing the photo back

“Actress,” Alex answered “Broadway star named ‘Laura Beananti’.”

“Huh, I think I’ve heard of her,” Kara muttered as she pulled out her phone and Googled the name “wow! She was nominated for a Tony five times?!”

“Now see,” Astra sighed “I can’t sing, you both know that”

“I don’t know,” Kara muttered as she took the photo back from Alex “it’s a pretty spooky resemblance”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After seeing a couple of the funny videos Laura Benanti has on her website I reached a conclusion: this woman needs more awards for acting! Seriously, if you haven't seen them go and do it right now, not only are they funny, but it shows how different she is from Astra and Alura. Even her voice is different, it's freaky! :=)


	14. Chapter 14

******

It was the rustling that woke Alex.

Rolling over, she sat up in shock

“Astra! What are you doing in my bed?” she demanded

“Hmm?” the Kryptonian blinked awake “oh, Kara and James were having sex,” she explained “it was getting too loud”

Alex grimaced

“Ugh, I didn’t need to hear that”

“My thoughts exactly”

Alex sighed

“Well don’t hog the covers,” she snapped, tugging hard on the bedsheets “this is the last time, I swear!” she vowed “tomorrow, we’re going apartment hunting for you”

“Hmm” Astra agreed as she snuggled up to the agent

“Astra, what did I say last time?” Alex demanded

“I think you said ‘oh god more, more damn it’,” Astra drawled as her fingers began tracing lazy circles down Alex’s arm “of course, you could refresh my memory”

Alex frowned, looking over her shoulder at the inhuman alien behind her. This was a very bad idea. Of course she’d told herself that the least ten times without success

“Screw it” she muttered

“Don’t you mean ‘screw you’?” Astra teased

“Shut up” Alex growled as she quickly pinned Astra down and yanked her into a kiss…

******

Kara sat up suddenly

“What is it?” James asked, sitting up as well

Kara grimaced

“Alex and Astra are having sex again” she proclaimed

“Oh, OK” James nodded sleepily as he rolled over and went back to sleep

“Yeah” Kara agreed…

**END**


	15. That Voodoo That You Do

******

"Hey, Kara," Alex waved as Kara walked into the apartment, a limping Mon-El not far behind "what happened?" Alex asked

"Oh the date was a bust," Kara sighed "he got a cramp or something" she explained, gesturing to Mon-El

"Oh really?" Alex grinned at Astra as she went into the kitchen "too bad"

Astra, James and Winn looked up as she came in

"Did it work?" Astra asked, hefting the voodoo doll in her hand

"Like a charm" Alex nodded

"Hey," James nodded towards the doll "can I...?"

"Sure" Astra happily handed him the doll and the pin. Frowning, James studied the doll before a truly _**evil**_ grin spread across his face as he stabbed the needle down.

Out in the living room, Mon-El howled in agony, toppling off the couch to curl into a ball

"Dude," Winn exclaimed, giving James a look "in the balls? Low"


	16. Going once...

******

“Alex, you got to help me!” Kara exclaimed

“Sure, what with?” Alex asked

“This!” Kara gestured to Mon-El and James, each of whom stood besides her looking very attractive

“Well, that’s easily fixed” Alex answered

“It is?” Kara echoed

“Sure,” Alex nodded as she stood up and cleared her throat “herewego! Wegotalovelygirlupforgrabswho’sgotthefirstbid?

“I do” James held up a hand

“OKfirstbidfromJamesOlsenwhocantopthat?Mon-El’sgotthenextbidandoh!SurprisebidfromMs. LenaLuthor!Anyoneelse?Anyone?GoingoncegoingtwiceSOLD!!”

“Wha—?” Mon-El gapped “but…what about me?!”

“Sorry,” Kara shrugged “should have bet higher”


	17. Tramp Stamp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little something to let you all know that I'm still here :=)

******

"Rough night?" Kara asked as Alex shuffled on into the DEO

"Uh" Alex oh-so-intelligently responded, looking decidedly hung over as she leaned against the operations table

"Uh...Alex?" Winn asked hesitantly as he came over "you, uh...you got a little tramp stamp back there, huh?"

"Wha...?" Alex twisted around, managing to spot a tattoo peeking out from under the waistband of her jeans "what the hell?!" she demanded "Astra!" she bellowed "ASTRA!!!"

"WHAT?!" Astra called back from across the room

"Did I get a tattoo last night?!" Alex called

"I don't know!" Astra called back "I lost track of you!"

"Wha...well, what's it say?" Alex wondered

"Uh..." Kara leaned over "it says--EEP!!" she jumped back

"What's it say?" Alex demanded

"Here," Winn leaned over and, trying not look, quickly snapped a picture of the tattoo "uh...here" he handed her the phone, grimacing

Alex took the phone

"AHHHHH!!" screaming, she dropped the phone and ran from the room

Astra came over and picked up the phone

"AHHHH!" screaming too she dropped the phone and ran as well, the phone clattering to the floor, the image of the tattoo now of full display

PROPERTY OF GENERAL LANE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH!! WHY DID I WRITE THIS?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?


	18. Secure

******

"Astra?" Alex tapped her earpiece "ready on your end?"

"Ready." Astra replied "is Kara secure?"

Alex looked back to where Kara was now tied to a chair, gagged and muttering curses

"She's secure" Alex replied

"All right!" Astra bellowed out "bring it in!" she ordered as the truck backed up, the driver hoping out

"You the feds?" he asked

"That's us" Alex nodded

"All right, sign here"

Signing, Astra signaled for the truck to back up, as it the logo on the back became visible

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts


	19. Ultimate Torture

******

The chains were tight. Twisting, Alex and Astra glowered at Lillian as she stood watching them smugly.

"What are you going to do to us?" Astra demanded.

"Torture us, obviously:" Alex muttered.

"Agent Danvers' is quite right," Lillian nodded, gesturing to one of her goons, who wheeled in a cart "now, are we sitting comfortably?" she asked.

The two agents glowered at her.

"Good," Lillian nodded "now," she picked up a remote "have either of you ever been to Vermont?"

"Vermont?" Alex echoed "oh no! OH! NO! IT'S A VACTION SLIDE SHOW!!!"

******

**One hour later...**

"...and here's another maple tree," Lillian continued "oh! And here's the park ranger, and--"

"MAKE IT STOP!!" Alex howled "OH GOD! WE'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING! JUST STOP!!!!"

**END**


	20. Effigy

******

The fire burned bright. Leaming back Kara smiled as she studied her handiwork.

"Kara?" Alec stuck her head around the door "what are you...OOH! Effigy burning! I want in! I want in!" She cheered.

Smiling, Kara happily handed her a match and a picture of Mon-El.

"I still get to shred his clothes when he gets back" she stated.

"Yeah, yeah whatever" Alex dismissed...


	21. A 'Duh' Moment

******

"God this is a tall building" Alex complained, having to yell over the roar of the wind surging past her face.

"Yes, it is," Astra agreed "how long have we been falling anyway?" she wondered idly.

"Don't know, my watch stopped working" Alex answered.

"Pity," Astra sighed "it'd be nice to know"

"Yeah, it would," Alex agreed "hey! Can't you fly?"

"Oh! Yeah1 Right!"

Grinning, Astra quickly grabbed Alex and swooped off into the air...


	22. An Out of Universe Experience

******

The rain was surprisingly cold, even to Astra's bulletproof skin. She contemplated throwing another rock, but didn't want to break another window, so instead, she glowered at the open window up above her. Finally unable to take it anymore, she cupped her hands over her mouth.

"Alex!!" she called out "Alex!!" she fell to her knees, throwing her head back "HEY!!! STELLA!!!!!" she howled.

Alex leaned out the window.

"Wrong universe!!!!" she called.

"Just let me in you idiot!!!" Astra called back "I'm cold and wet!"

"Oh...fine!"

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought :=)


End file.
